“Weren’t you listening?” I was. At least, I thought I was.
I can’t count how many times I’ve had a full conversation—nodding, responding, smiling—only to forget everything the person just told me.
Their name? Gone. The plan for Friday? Blank.
The important detail they shared with trust in their eyes? I hate to admit it, but… I don’t remember.
It’s not that I don’t care. It’s that my brain didn’t hold onto it.
Working Memory: The ADHD Blind Spot
People with ADHD often have difficulties with working memory—the part of the brain that temporarily stores information while we’re using it.
Think of it like a mental sticky note. In neurotypical brains, that note holds firm until you’re done with it.
In ADHD brains? That sticky note peels off and floats away the moment you get distracted.
It might be a sound, a sudden thought, or even my own brain drifting mid-sentence. One moment I’m present, the next I’m not. And sometimes, I don’t even realize it.
It Feels Rude. And Guilty. And Lonely.
People assume I wasn’t paying attention, or worse—that I didn’t care.
I start to feel ashamed. I worry people will stop trusting me with their thoughts.
Because what kind of friend forgets what you just said?
But here’s the truth: I care deeply. I just process information differently. My brain’s filter is inconsistent, and it often chooses the worst times to glitch.
How I’m Learning to Handle It
I’ve had to be honest with myself—and with others. Here’s what’s helping:
- I ask for repeats without shame. “Sorry, I zoned out—can you say that again?” People appreciate honesty more than pretending.
- I take notes—yes, even in conversations. A quick phone note saves me from forgetting key info.
- I repeat things back. “So, we’re meeting at 6 at Julie’s?” Saying it aloud helps it stick.
- I minimize distractions. I face the person, put my phone away, and try to make eye contact.
- I forgive myself. Forgetting doesn’t make me a bad listener. It makes me a human with ADHD.
It’s Not Just Memory—It’s Connection
Conversations aren’t just words. They’re moments of connection. And while my brain may lose the words, the feelings often stay with me.
The trust. The vibe. The emotion—I still carry those.
So if I forget what you said, please know: I’m trying. I’m learning. And I care more than I can say.
Elias Carter 